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The Benchwarmers

2006, Movie, PG-13, 80 mins

The Benchwarmers: Review

BENCHWARMERS, THE
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Screenwriters Nick Swardson and Allen Covert wrap a passel of lessons — bullying is bad, nerds are nice guys under their tics and Star Wars obsessions, girls are better than macaroni and cheese — in a welter of gags about booger-picking, flatulence, bug-eating, pee bottles and gay bodybuilders with criminally unconvincing toupees. Successful landscaper Gus Matthews (Rob Schneider) has a soft spot in his heart for geeks, and has not only taken pathetic paper-boy Clark (NAPOLEON DYNAMITE star Jon Heder) under his protective wing, but he spontaneously comes to the rescue of born-victim Nelson (Max Prado) when he sees the pathetic little doofus being picked on by adolescent baseball jocks. Gus is also a stunningly talented athlete with a gorgeous blonde wife (Molly Sims) who wants nothing more than to wrestle him into bed, albeit because she's desperate to get pregnant. But still — not bad for a guy who looks like the second-rate comedian who's always lurking on the sidelines of his pal Adam Sandler's movies... oh, wait, he is that guy, and the fact that Schneider has to be the least convincing athletic powerhouse on earth isn't the joke. The joke is that Nelson's dad turns out to be dweeb-turned-multizillionaire Mel Schmegmer (Jon Lovitz), who drives K.I.T.T. from Knight Rider (his other car is the Batmobile) and offers to underwrite a baseball team built around Gus, Clark and Clark's friend Richie the video-store geek (David Spade) if they'll agree to play against every Little League team in town so dorks will have someone to root for. Between Gus' all-star skills and a little coaching from Mel's old band-camp pal Reggie Jackson, the Benchwarmers are soon wiping the ground with two generations of smug, self-esteem-annihilating jackasses — the ones who pantsed them in high school and their chip-off-the-old-block kids. They're stars of mega-downloaded video podcasts and an inspiration to spazzes everywhere, but Gus has a secret past that just might destroy everything they've worked for. Produced by — surprise! — Adam Sandler and directed by protege Dennis Dugan, this formulaic mess of sports-movie cliches and self-esteem claptrap contains a couple of funny bits, like Jackson teaching fast reflexes through doorbell-ringing pranks, but you have to slog through a lot of done-to-death bodily function jokes to get to them. leave a comment --Maitland McDonagh
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