2000, Movie, PG-13, 90 mins


As bad as the title, and much longer. Willard Fillmore (Norm MacDonald) has the misfortune to work for slave driver Miss Crock (Elaine Stritch, in what must be the low point of an estimable career on stage and screen), the stingiest pastry billionaire in Pittsburgh. She won't even buy Willard a new uniform, and gives him one of her own mince pies for Christmas. Worse still, Willard overhears Miss Crock and her trusted business associate Chip Oswald (Sherman Hemsley) planning to fire him. So Willard and his moron pal Rusty Hayes (Dave Chapelle) cook up a plan to kidnap Miss Crock's beloved dog, Muffin, and hold him for ransom. The plan is, of course, an unmitigated disaster. Muffin escapes and runs home. Miss Crock assumes Willard has been kidnapped and, naturally, has no intention of ransoming him. Gravel-voiced detective Dewey (Daniel Benzali) couldn't find the right tree to bark up if it fell on him, and Willard and Hayes' attempts to salvage the ever-worsening situation are predictably ineffectual, especially after Hawaii Five-0-obssessed morgue attendant Grover Cleaver (Danny DeVito) is added to the mix. Written and directed by Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski, who scripted ED WOOD and THE PEOPLE VS. LARRY FLYNT, this idiotic mess of a movie is a discredit to all involved — it doesn't even have the decency to be horrifyingly funny, unless you're tickled by the fact that the main characters have names sounding like dead presidents, or by such sights as MacDonald's hairy back or Hemsley in an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny swimsuit. leave a comment --Maitland McDonagh

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Fool Me Once: Hustlers, Hookers, Headliners, and How Not to Get Screwed in Vegas
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