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Safety Patrol

2000, Movie, NR, 120 mins

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Klutzy Scout Bozell (Bug Hall) inadvertently wreaks havoc wherever he goes, but his innate clumsiness doesn't dampen his ambition to become the safety monitor at his middle school. Determined to ensure his school's well being, Principal Trump (Kurtwood Smith) transfers Scout to another, rougher district. Befriended by a gaggle of freaks and geeks, ingenuous Scout stands little chance of joining his new school's safety patrol, headed by the nasty son of Principal Marlow (Stephanie Faracy). The bullying patrol boys extort lunch money from fellow pupils and serve as thieving accomplices to cafeteria lady Mrs. Day (Lainie Kazan) and her son, Burt (Curtis Armstrong). Tired of petty boosting, Mrs. Day plots to rip off the school district's Fall Ball. To take the heat off her boys, she frames Scout for a break-in at the Principal's office. Can a home video taken at a school assembly clear Scout of charges? Will Mrs. Day and Burt rip off the charity event with impunity? Aside from gross-out horror flicks and teen sexploitation, could anything be less edifying than a witless kiddie comedy? How about a witless kiddie comedy that stops cold for specialty shtick like Weird Al Yankovic and nostalgically trots out TV has-beens like Ed McMahon and Wink Martindale? Then again, what can you expect from an amateurish production in which the young extras grin out of character? And what can you say about a film starring someone named Bug Hall? This entire movie needs fumigating. leave a comment --Robert Pardi
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