After glowing with star power in the kooky misfire VIBES (1988), Cyndi Lauper sabotages her film career with this road picture.
Flapping her fins as a singing mermaid at a Florida tourist bar, Cyd (Cyndi Lauper) faces a submerged future until an unlikely Prince Charming--horse trainer Woody Villa (Jose Perez)--surfaces in her life. After proposing marriage, Woody introduces Cyd to his pride and joy, champion horse Molnir.
To increase Molnir's worth as a stud, John Sasser (Hazen G. F. Ford) destroys the steed and orders his enforcer Reese (David Thornton) to beat uncooperative Woody to death. Before Woody expires, he passes Cyd the key to a fortune (we later learn that the fortune is a canister containing Molnir's
sperm samples) and draws a heart-shaped clue in his own blood.
Fleeing with the key after Reese spots her, Cyd steals a hooker's car, wrecks it in a pond, and gets rescued by small-time motel entrepreneur, Jack (David Keith). Unfortunately, her cover story about a child-custody battle backfires when Jack retrieves the hooker's neglected son, Pompey (Johnny
Pinto), and the foul-mouthed boy insists on tagging along on Cyd's journey. After taking temporary refuge with her mother (Anita Morris), Cyd allows Pompey to steal train tickets from a tourist family. Cyd realizes the heart-shaped clue refers to Wood's Belmont pal, Curtis "Valentine" (Tony
Jones). At Belmont Race Track, Cyd discovers Valentine's corpse and a merciless Reese lying in wait. Fortunately, after Pompey swallows the coveted key, a jittery horse fatally kicks Reese in the head. At Valentine's pad, Cyd stops Sasser from killing her friends by tossing the vials of Molnir's
sperm at him. Later, she shares her good fortune as racehorse owner with Jack, Pompey, and Pompey's mom.
OFF AND RUNNING never makes it out of the starting gate. Shimmeringly photographed by gifted cinematographer Andrzej Bartkowiak, this SOMETHING WILD-wannabe can't transcend a script that's a congealed mess of lame comedy, desperate road-movie cliches, and pre-fab heartwarming drama. As if that
horse-sperm scramble wasn't a tricky enough proposition to pull off, this mangled screenplay saddles itself with a bonding between Cyd and an adorable, streetwise kid. This ragamuffin is one piece of dramatic baggage too many.
Featuring two brief musical interludes in which Lauper shines, OFF AND RUNNING is otherwise unremittingly dreary, a black-comedy travel nightmare smeared with too much graphic brutality. Although a good time is had by none, Lauper fans in particular will be reaching for handfuls of
anti-depressants. (Graphic violence, nudity, extreme profanity, adult situations, substance abuse.) leave a comment