Obsessed

2009, Movie, PG-13, 101 mins

Review

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With remake madness comfy in its position as the current thing to do in these times of economic strife and unoriginal film ideas, it doesn't seem like there would be much shame in out-and-out remaking Fatal Attraction. Sure, it wouldn't match up to the original, and yes, it would probably suck, but it would have a chance at integrity, albeit a convoluted sort that still most likely wouldn't justify the ticket cost. Nonetheless, it would have not being Obsessed going for it, and hopefully self-awareness enough not to take itself so seriously that its multiple forays into laughable ridiculousness are prevented from actually being laughable.

Obsessed commences with the first of many anvilicious illustrations of a successful couple in a perpetual state of bliss, inspired by the happiness of their marriage, and the marriageness of their happy, and the fact that, damn it, they are married and happy. After all, who else but a happily married couple would partake in a Cosby Show-esque overlong musical sequence through the many rooms of their beautiful new house, ending in a joyous, happily married romp beneath a conveniently placed ceiling mirror? Sadly, Derek and Sharon Charles (Idris Elba and Beyonce Knowles) hardly have time to run 'round the Maypole slow-mo-style in celebration of their HAPPY MARRIAGE before their life is jeopardized by the entrance of temporary office assistant and resident psycho bitch Lisa (Ali Larter).

OK, so, maybe there is the teensiest of chinks in Derek and Sharon's relationship -- see, it turns out that Derek has a history of bedding his office assistants, but it's not like he deserves the constant ribbing of his co-workers, since he did marry Sharon after their hijinks at last year's company Christmas party, and he totally hired a gay guy to be her replacement. In fact, he's so not attracted to Lisa that he doesn't even participate in his officemates' discussion regarding Lisa's status as the "finest piece of ass" to work for the company since he (Derek) "stole their eye candy" (Derek's wife, Sharon). His only weakness is that he ignores Lisa's flagrantly creepy and inappropriate advances -- from burning him a mixed CD (after rifling through his personal collection) to a forceful attempt to have sex with him in a bathroom stall at a no-spouses-allowed office party -- until it's too late. By then, his idyllic life is in jeopardy, and the film, tragically, is beyond repair. Larter just doesn't have the same bite as the bunny-killing stalkers of years gone by, and Elba, despite a game effort, is stifled by the limited nature of his role as a younger, better-looking, and completely unbelievable Heathcliff Huxtable who is just trying to be nice to the pretty temp. leave a comment --Tracie Cooper

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