DVD Tuesday: Monsters and Hotties in Animal Skins!
DVD Tuesday: Monsters and hotties in animal skins thank you, 10,000 BC
, for the cheesy but cherished memories!
Archaeologists are scoffing at
10,000 BC, and I hope no one takes it for a historically accurate picture of Ice Age life. But it did a great first weekend because let's face it: Many of us have a place in our hearts for ridiculous epics about good-looking people in skimpy animal-skin outfits and monsters dragons, saber-tooth tigers (more correctly called smilodons, as though anyone's going to switch to a dorky name like that) what's the diff?
Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer my ridiculous pseudo-history made in the years B.C. before CGI. Give me a stop-motion dinosaur, or even an iguana in dinosaur drag, over a weightless computer rendering. Since I don't have to tell anyone that
One Million Years B.C. (1966), starring
Raquel Welch, is the gold standard for this kind of nonsense, I'm going to suggest taking a look at
When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth (1970). (Confession: It's not even on commercial DVD, but it's on VHS and it's such a blast it's worth going retro... in fact, that might just add to the experience.)
Make no mistake: It's stupid. Prehistoric blonde Sanaa (
Victoria Vetri,
Playboy's 1968 Playmate of the Year under the name Angela Dorian) is tossed into the sea by her tribe because her glittering locks offended the sun god. (I suspect the spiteful prehistoric brunettes had a hand in fostering that belief.)
Fortunately, she's rescued by a more enlightened tribe, who no doubt appreciate her exceptionally scanty animal-skin bikini and push-up animal-skin bra. The plot, such as it is, includes Sanaa's bonding with a dinosaur (see clip below) and a massive solar eclipse, along with a lot of banter in prehistoric gibberish.
Just watching that clip made me smile. I love that all the prehistoric women are half-dressed foxes, while the men are all scruffy, hairy-booted and draped in capes. Except hunky Robin Hawdon, who rescues Sanaa: He trims his beard neatly and wears an itsy-bitsy loincloth (seriously
check it out): The tyranny of culturally determined standards of beauty is nothing new!
Every once in a while it's good to unleash your inner 10-year-old, and
When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth is one way to do it.
Things to Consider:
Do you have a favorite prehistoric hijinks movie? Why that one?
How about early memories of dinosaurs and cuties in animal skins?
Send your movie questions to
FlickChick.
Hear Maitland on the weekly podcast
TV Guide Talk.
See Maitland McDonagh and Ken Fox review this week's new flicks on the
Movie Talk
vodcast.
Previously in DVD Tuesday:
Rififi
Michael Clayton
Network
The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T
Shoot 'Em Up
Freeway
A Mighty Wind
It's a Wonderful Life
Waitress
Laura
Cop
All About Eve
Severance
Sweet Smell of Success
Daughters of Darkness
The Crazies
Blade Runner
Zodiac
Manhunter
A Simple Plan
Taxi Driver
Renaissance
Blowup
Hot Fuzz
300
Ace in the Hole
Eyes Without a Face
Apocalypto
Citizen Kane
La Jetée
Gone in 60 Seconds (1974)
Bob le Flambeur
Near Dark
Perfect Blue
Pan's Labyrinth
Les Girls
The Girl Who Knew Too Much
The Queen
Expresso Bongo
I'm Not Scared
Shocking Grindhouse Double Bill! - Scanners and The Candy Snatchers
Don't Look Now
Re-Animator
Casino Royale
Pi
The Prestige
13 Tzameti
The Departed
Suspiria
Kiss and Make Up
Kiss Me Deadly
The Long Good Friday
What Alice Found
The Devil's Backbone
The Descent
The Devil Wears Prada
Pandora's Box
The Thief and the Cobbler
Nashville
Panic in the Streets/Jack Palance Interview
The Pusher Trilogy
Scarface
Slither
Sunset Blvd.
In Cold Blood
Brick
