My Grandpa Is A Vampire

Elderly Vernon T. Cooger (Lewis) lives with his homely, childless middle-aged daughter, Leah (Pat Evison), and his churlish son-in-law Ernie (Noel Appleby). During the summer holidays, Lonny, Leah's young nephew (Justin Gocke), is sent by his parents to visit Aunt Leah and Uncle Ernie. Lonny is an energetic boy who quickly makes friends with a neighbor, Kanziora (Milan Borich), and the two boys soon become intrigued with Lonny's eccentric Grandpa Vernon. The ailing Vernon, who spends most of his time in his bedroom with the blinds down--especially on sunny days--entertains the youths with magic tricks and stories. Grandpa Vernon tells the kids how much he appreciates and loves them for being his friends and for caring to spend so much time with an old man, so that he can drink in their youthful energy and, thereby, keep himself in finer fettle.

Grandpa's affection for the children is in sharp contrast to most of the other adults around them, who spend their time ordering the boys to do--or not to do--something, or shouting at them either to stay in the house or go outside and play--whatever best suits the adults for the moment. Lonny's life hits its lowest ebb when Grandpa Vernon, climaxing a particularly cheerful evening of entertaining the boys with magic tricks backlighted by a full moon outside his bedroom window, suddenly collapses. Grandpa dies and Lonny is devasted. Within a few hours of his own funeral, however, Grandpa turns up alive--or, more precisely, as a member of the living dead.

Initially, Lonny is scared out of his wits, but with Grandpa's reassurance that all is well, the problem becomes one of what does a boy do with a dead grandfather who's a genuine living, breathing vampire? He and Kanziora can't very well show Grandpa Vernon off to Lonny's aunt and uncle. A temporary solution is to hide Grandpa in the nursery shed behind Kanziora's folk's house. This works until picnic day at the beach, when the boys decide to smuggle Grandpa into the back of Uncle Ernie's station wagon. Once at the beach, the sun proves to be too hard on Grandpa, so the boys must quickly slip him out of the station wagon and into the shade of a nearby cave. They get to the cave, but not before they've encountered a trio of smart-aleck village girls, one of whom informs Lonny's aunt later that night about having seen Lonny and his friend in the company of a "weird old guy who looked like a mummy." Aunt Leah instructs Uncle Ernie to go fetch Grandpa Vernon from the cave and bring him home, but Ernie will have none of that. He is not about to live under the same roof with an active vampire despite Leah's protests that, "after all, he is my father."

Ernie eventually confronts Grandpa and the boys in the cave and is about to shove a stake into Grandpa's heart when the boys distract him and help Grandpa escape. Eventually, Grandpa shows up on stage at a local theatrical event and inadvertently steals the show with his good natured antics. All hell breaks lose when the village priest, Father Vincent (Ian Watkin), recognizes Grandpa as the man he'd recently buried. After the pandemonium subsides, Grandpa is again reunited with Lonny, Kanziora and Aunt Leah. Leah orders Ernie to cease and desist where her father is concerned. Finally, to keep peace in the family, Grandpa Vernon agrees to live forever, joining the other creatures of the night in their search for love and understanding. Lonny waves a tearful goodbye to Grandpa, but is consoled by the fact that Grandpa will go on existing as a gracious member of the living dead.

Originally released in Australia as GRAMPIRE, MY GRANDPA IS A VAMPIRE is one of those pictures that must have looked absolutely hilarious on paper. Unhappily, most of the potential humor and fun gets lost somewhere between the page and the screen.

The story continuity is often muddled, due in part to the film's haphazard direction, quirky editing and sluggish pacing. There is an ambiguity about the whole movie that becomes a source of constant frustration for the viewer. For one thing, the sound quality is poor and that problem, coupled with the thick Australian accents of many of the actors, makes it difficult, if not impossible, to make out stretches of dialogue. Also, there is an unneccessarily extended, anti-climactic epilogue sequence involving Lonny and Kanziora that seems tacked on at that point, since the main characters' fate has already been determined. What is the point of prolonging the story with this very talky scene during which the boys discuss life and death and their future existence?

Lewis is effective in the title role, but there is little he can do to breathe life into the uninspired, unfocused and repetitious screenplay. Justin Gocke as Lonny and, to a lesser extent, Milan Borich as Kanziora, infuse the film with much of the little verve it has and both youngsters are far better than the material they have to work with. The remaining players are merely adequate, as are the various production values, including the direction and cinematography.

Beyond the touching performances of Gocke and Borich and the few good moments Lewis has as Grandpa Vernon, MY GRANDPA IS A VAMPIRE has very little to recommend it. leave a comment