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Girls Will Be Girls

2003, Movie, R, 79 mins

Girls Will Be Girls: Review

GIRLS WILL BE GIRLS
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A hoot and a half. Emmy-nominated TV writer Richard Day's directorial debut takes a page from Charles Ludlum's book of ridiculous theatrics for a viciously funny take on crash-and-burn stardom that would give Jacqueline Susann a run for her money. And in the grand tradition of Ludlum, Shakespeare and kabuki, all the female roles are played by men in drag. Welcome to the Hollywood home of Evie Harris (Jack Plotnick), the fading, alcoholic demi-star of screen ("Asteroid") and TV ("The Facts of Life Go to Europe"), now best remembered as "The Hit-and-Run Hooch Hound" who drunkenly plowed her car into a picnicking family of six. Evie lives amid the relics of fleeting fame with her long-suffering friend, Coco (Clinton Leupp, who often performs under his nom de drag Coco Peru), whose own shattered dreams include a failed acting career and an aborted love affair with her abortionist. Into this hell of Hollywood has-beens and never-weres steps Varla Simmons (Jeffery Roberson, looking an awful lot like Ann-Margret in BYE BYE BIRDIE), Evie and Coco's new housemate. A starry-eyed overeater from Arkansas, Varla has a surefire plan to become a major star and singing sensation: She's going to plop herself down on a stool at Schwab's Drugstore — you know, where Tina Turner was first discovered — until a big producer notices her. Unfortunately for Varla, Schwab's is now a Virgin Megastore, and only "producer" who notices Varla stuffing her face at the local diner will cast her in his upcoming "feature" only if she'll agree to turn tricks at $5 a pop. She does, but is luckily rescued by Evie's son, Stevie (Ron Matthews), a handsome lawyer and would-be catch, were not for his tragically undersized endowment. Stevie is seriously smitten with Varla, much to the chagrin of his boozy, bitter mother, who resents the hefty ingenue's, er, success. To make matters worse, Varla's late mother was none other than Evie's professional rival, Marla Simmons (Roberson, in flashback) — who lost the part in "Asteroid" to Evie under highly suspicious circumstances — and Varla's got revenge on her mind. Day's film is rude, crude and downright cruel, all in a mean queen sort of way, which means it can be both heartstoppingly funny and jawdroppingly tasteless. Add one part Elaine Stritch to two parts Joey Heatherton, follow with a Liza Minnelli chaser and you've got some idea of just what kind of creature Day and the ingenious Plotnick have created in Evie Harris. She's both perfectly loathsome and absolutely fabulous. leave a comment --Ken Fox
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