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Free Money

1999, Movie, R, 94 mins

Free Money: Review

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After horny bumpkins Bud (Charles Sheen) and Larry (Thomas Haden Church) wed the twin teenaged daughters of a demented prison warden, the Swede (Marlon Brando), and move into his domain, their father-in-law promptly curtails their conjugal rights. Disconsolate, Bud's mood quickly improves when he hears about a train that passes through town with a cargo of worn-out currency set for destruction by the US Treasury. Sacrificing the Swede's beloved truck at the crossing, the pals hold up the train. After the stick-up, Bud foolishly starts flashing cash. His arrest and conviction nets him a stretch in the Swede's prison. Meanwhile, FBI agent Karen Pilarski (Mira Sorvino) is busy investigating the fatality rate for escapees from the Swede's penitentiary. With the aid of Larry, who escaped detection and works at the Swede's jail, Bud conks out his father-in-law and blows the joint. Will Agent Pilarski reach the bungling robbers before the Swede turns the tables on them? Viewers hoping for the sophistication of, say, ERNEST SCARED STUPID must settle for Sheen and Church scampering about like protagonists in BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD PLAY THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME. The only reason to watch, needless to say, is Brando. On the one hand, that means seeing this great actor reduced to the dire circumstances of a choppily written and clumsily directed film. On the not inconsiderable other hand, the super-size Brando (boasting girth that makes John Goodman look like Steve Buscemi) is like the train wreck that's central to the plot; you simply can't look away. The nadir of Brando's participation involves his landing headfirst in a toilet, which is probably where he found this script. leave a comment --Robert Pardi
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