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Da Hip Hop Witch

2000, Movie, R, 93 mins

Da Hip Hop Witch: Review

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This all-star fright film parody makes little sense, and what sense it makes is neither funny nor scary. Ten years after a mysterious assailant attacked dozens of hip-hop performers in Newark, the police brace themselves for a wave of copycat crimes. Over 80 musicians claim that a witch molested and disrespected them, causing dissension in their groups: Eminem and Spliff Star are so terrified of Da Hip Hop Witch that they lock themselves in a conference room with a reporter. But it's possible that the "witch" is just a hoax staged by record producers Big Z (Elijah Rhoades) and Lazarus (Tony Prendatt) to undermine their rival, Street Don (LA, the Darkman). Manhattan tabloid journalist Dee Dee Washington (Stacii Jae Johnson) checks the healthy sales figures for Big Z and Lazarus's labels and spots a connection, but her editor isn't interested, so she goes undercover as a singer from Atlanta. But while Dee Dee's investigation alarms the scheming record company execs, their performers seem genuinely spooked by the booty-licious sorceress; Eminem claims he's still traumatized by her sexual abuse. Meanwhile, five slackers leave Salem, Massachusetts for New York, armed with a plan to blackmail Big Z and Lazarus out of the reward money they've posted got the witch's capture. The police fish Street Don out of the river; either his competitors or the witch must be responsible and the key to the mystery lies with has-been pretty boy Vanilla Ice. This barely comprehensible mish-mash intends to ridicule the media, mimic THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT and pillory music-scene hucksters, but it's such an incoherent mess that it fails on all counts. Its only saving grace is the cameos by hip-hop and rap performers, which may induce their various fans to take a look. leave a comment --Robert Pardi
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