This insipid horror spoof could be described as a vampire without dentures--it tries to sink its fangs into a farcical send-up of bloodsucker lore, but only succeeds in gumming up the works. Clumsily stalking the loopy spirit of AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON (1981), this chill-less,
laugh-less creature feature lacks the Hollywood budget, the deft writing, and the spruced-up performers needed to create a bitingly witty parody.
Having rested in peace since the 1969 Moonwalk, genially philosophical vampire Boya (Gordon Currie) reawakens in the nerve-wracking 90s. Because a cabby, Earl (Justin Louis), shows friendly concern during a jaunt to the cemetery, late-night fare Boya returns the favor when Earl is roughed up by
two mob leg-men, Pierce (Frank Moore) and Axel (Hadley Kay). Protective Boya's period of adjustment is complicated when he falls for Molly (Helene Clarkson), an acerbic donut shop waitress; this relationship is jeopardized by the appearance of Boya's former necking partner Rita (Fiona Reid), who
demands Boya turn her into a full-fledged vampire. Although Boya saves Earl from another bruising lesson in late payments from Pierce and Axel, Earl freaks out at buddy Boya's otherworldly transformation and falls out of his window. With Boya's aid, Molly revives a dying Earl at the cemetery with
the juice from jumper cables. Tired of mortal strife and hesitant about vampirizing Molly, Boya submits to daylight exposure while traveling in a car trunk and perishes from the sun's rays.
Pointless and daft, BLOOD & DONUTS exhibits such a slippery grasp of tone, it's difficult to fathom its creators' intentions; dull stretches of the movie resemble a tame historical romance with a bit of blood spattered on the bodices. Mired in too many love scenes devoid of co-star chemistry, this
film also shifts gears and becomes, alternately, a loan shark flick take-off, a dumb-ass buddy-buddy comedy, and a riff on INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE (1994). Through it all, pop tunes pound at the audience like a stake driven into your MTV heart. (Anyone who doubts that music videos have had a
deleterious effect on filmmaking should take a gander at this tune-filled turkey; like DANGEROUS MINDS (1995), this isn't a movie, it's an excuse to release a soundtrack album.) As acted by many Not-ready-for-Prime-time players and directed by Holly Dale as if it were a grade school Halloween
pageant, BLOOD & DONUTS can only be recommended to children of the night who want to catch a glimpse of frightmeister David Cronenberg; the cult director is quite effective in a blackly comic cameo as a nasty Mafia nabob. (Graphic violence, extreme profanity, adult situations, substance abuse.) leave a comment