Before BLADES' opening credits roll, two typically oversexed horror-film teenagers are shown making out on the greens of the Tall Grass Country Club, then being mowed down by an unseen monster. What is this menace? A giant lawn mower, of course. That's the premise of this tongue-in-cheek
spoof that will strike terror into the hearts of golfers and non-golfers alike.
Something is cutting people to pieces at Tall Grass Country Club, but the owner, Norm Osgood (William Towner), is too preoccupied with an upcoming televised Pro-Am tournament to care. His loyal assistant, Kelly Lange (Victoria Scott), is angry with him because he gave the job of head golf pro to
out-of-towner Roy Kent (Robert North), whose first official duty (aside from trying to placate Kelly) is to examine the body parts lying on the greens. In order to keep his job, he also has to score a hole-in-one with the boss's wife (Holly Stevenson). The next day, the body of an amateur golfer
is discovered, looking as if it had already undergone an autopsy. At a meeting of concerned citizens, Osgood and police chief Charlie Kimmel (Charlie Quinn) attempt to calm everyone down, but the crowd feels the perpetrator is fired Tall Grass employee Deke Slade (Jeremy Whelan). Deke, however,
suggests to Roy that an evil force is responsible for the deaths. When a young caddy gets diced up in front of witnesses, a fairway-wrecking vigilante hunt ensues, after which, holding up a lawn mower like a bagged deer, the townspeople turn in Deke. After Roy and Kelly find an overturned golf
cart and then unsuccessfully search the allegedly murderous mower for body parts, however, they realize the true killer is still at large. During the big tournament, Kelly competes against Squire Evans (Lee Devin), an accomplished cheater, while Roy keeps an eye out for missing persons. Then,
sweeping across the grass, an enormous metal predator appears to chew up Evans while dragging the golfer away. Deke, his innocence thus established, is released from jail and accompanies Kelly and Roy on a get-the-mower mission in a mega-van fortified with grenades, assault rifles, and bales of
hay (for bait). Deke explains that the belligerent blades have assumed a life of their own: when the country club fired his father and replaced the old-fashioned equipment with modern machinery, this antiquated grass-cutter vowed revenge. (Why it has taken so long for the metal demon to start mass
murdering is never explained; it killed Deke's dad years ago.) Although the monster mower repeatedly attacks the trio's van, the real trouble starts the following day, when they get a flat tire, after which Roy smashes the van in a getaway attempt. While the malicious mower re-energizes itself,
Deke acts as bait and barely escapes the blades by hanging onto Roy, who's on top of the van. He is unable to hold on, however, and falls into the deadly metal. Roy, after dumping some plastic explosive on the monster, tries to detonate it by hitting golf balls at the mad machine. His third drive
hits the target and boom!--one less possessed lawn mower in the world.
As ludicrous as the premise sounds, BLADES is moderately exciting drive-in movie fare. At times, however, this horror parody gets mired in a few sand traps of its own. While blessed with some breezy dialog and a zany air, the film includes some cast members who are either amateurish (Towner) or
don't seem to be aware of the joke (handsome North, who has presence but lacks comic zest). Although the rampant silliness doesn't need to be overplayed, it could have used a little more acting pizazz. Luckily, Scott's feisty tomboy heroine and Whelan's saturnine blade-hunter are on-target
characterizations that keep the spoof humming along.
If you don't scale your expectations too high, BLADES also offers legitimate thrills and references to better-known horror films, particularly JAWS, which it rips off gleefully. But it doesn't quite find the proper balance in dishing out fright-night frissons while simultaneously lampooning the
genre. Steering a middle course between the two genres (horror and spoof), it meets the respective requirements of each, without blending the scares and laughs into a coherent, stylish whole. Still, if you enjoy monster-mashes, BLADES offers ample chills, superior mechanical effects, and enough
cheeky drollery to keep viewers amused. Enough talent is in evidence in the writing and directing for one to hope the film's creative personnel will reunite. If the sight of a giant, grudge-minded lawn mower chewing up caddies tickles your fancy, then BLADES is an offbeat gore movie spoof you
should tee off with. (Violence, gore effects, profanity, substance abuse.) leave a comment
