Alone In The Dark

Too lazy to play your own damn video game? Lucky for you there's horror director-for-hire Uwe Boll, who's making a career out of adapting successful Atari and Sega games into tedious popcorn fare that's the ultimate in cinematic passivity. Boll plays the game, you sit back and watch. Boll's follow-up to 2003's dismal HOUSE OF THE DEAD, an adaptation of Atari's vaguely Lovecraftian Alone in the Dark series, is even more incoherent than its predecessor. After spending six weeks in the Amazon, paranormal investigator Edward Carnby (Christian Slater) returns home with a centuries-old artifact he believes may have originated with the Abkani, a highly advanced Nativ...